


Tails of Castle Cats

by JadeNightTheWriter



Series: Cats of the Castle [1]
Category: Septimus Heap - Angie Sage, TodHunter Moon Series - Angie Sage
Genre: (ahem the title), (very light), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cat Puns, Cats, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, although it's a bit canon compliant it's also not, am i procrastinating on other works? why yes i am, do i regret it? why no i don't, wow my tags are a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeNightTheWriter/pseuds/JadeNightTheWriter
Summary: One mother cat, seven kittens, Marcia, Septimus, and a whole lot of chaos. Of course, then we need more cats when Tod comes.To the Septimus Heap discord server: I love you all, thank you for blessing the universe with this idea. I'm honored to be the servant of chaos to present it on ao3.
Relationships: Marcia Overstrand & Alice Todhunter Moon, Septimus Heap & Alice Todhunter Moon, Septimus Heap & Marcia Overstrand
Series: Cats of the Castle [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1991425
Comments: 26
Kudos: 12





	1. The Cat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [triplefish213](https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplefish213/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcia and Septimus acquire The Cat and her seven kittens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this in a few hours, regret nothing. I hope you enjoy :D

Marcia sighed, a long, drawn out sound as she finished with the paperwork for Septimus’s **Darke** Week. Sunlight streamed through her study window, casting dusty golden beams across her desk. It would have been a nice view, but the past few days had exhausted her ability to think about much of anything except for what was right in front of her.

As she finished the paperwork, ripping up the copy for herself with an air of satisfaction, a small scraping noise caught her attention.

Frowning, Marcia walked over to her bed, peering underneath into the gaping space. There was something… moving.

_Mrow_.

Marcia swore. 

“Um… Marcia?” Septimus asked tentatively from the doorway. “Is something wrong?”

“Sorry, I shouldn't have said that,” Marcia said. “Are you allergic to animals?”

“No, I don’t think so. Why?”

“Then it should be safe to come in here.” Marcia gestured for Septimus to kneel next to her. “What do you suggest we do about them?”

Septimus peered into the dark gap under her bed and gasped. A large grey-and-black striped cat blinked up at them, green eyes glowing slightly in the sunlight from the window. Nestled close to her were tiny bundles of fur. Kittens. 

“They’re so small,” he breathed. “Should we get them a bed? How did they get here?”

“Septimus, we’re not—”

“I’ll go look in my room, I probably have a box somewhere!”

“—keeping them,” Marcia finished, already feeling another headache coming. 

* * *

“One night, okay?” Marcia said firmly. “Then we’re taking them somewhere else. Besides, cats are a Witchy thing.”

“But they’re Wizard things too,” Septimus protested. “I asked Marcellus and he said—”

“I don’t give two hoots to what that old sack of flour said, Septimus,” Marcia declared, cutting him off. “My point is that cats attract the **Darke** . The only reason these are still rather tame is because they somehow made it in here before the **Darke Domaine**.”

“I know,” Septimus answered, in a tone that suggested he wasn’t actually listening, as he reached out to gently stroke the mother cat’s fur. 

Marcia pinched the bridge of her nose. “Goodnight Septimus. Don’t stay up too late.”

“’Night Marcia. And I won’t.”

As Marcia left the room she heard Septimus murmuring soft words to the little box of kittens. She had a strong feeling they would be staying in the morning.

* * *

“Marcia?”

She and Septimus were eating breakfast when he finally asked her. She was rather impressed he had held off for so long.

“Yes, Septimus?”

“Can we keep the cats?”

Marcia heaved a sigh, and leveled her apprentice with a flat look.

“Do you promise to feed them? Take care of them? Make sure they don’t absorb the **Darke**?”

Septimus nodded fervently.

“Then yes, Septimus, you may keep them. On one condition.”

“Yes?”

“I will have absolutely no cats in my study.”

“Okay!” Septimus agreed. “Yes, sure, I will. Thank you!”

He jumped up from the table, gave Marcia a giant hug, and dashed off to his room. Presumably to tell the cats the good news.

Marcia gathered up the dishes, yelled at the sink to clean them, and made her way up the second floor. She paused in Septimus’s open doorway, watching him scratch behind the mother cat’s ears. The feline lifted her head up a little, nuzzling her head into his palm.

“Have you decided on a name yet?”

“The Cat,” Septimus said, in such a matter-of-fact tone that she almost missed what he said. “Her name is The Cat.”

Marcia raised an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. 

“Back in the Young Army, Boy 409—I mean, Wolf Boy—and I decided that one day we’d get a cat,” Septimus continued, without meeting her eyes. “And we decided to name it The Cat.”

Marcia’s expression softened. “Alright. But I’m going to call her Catt.”

Septimus cracked a smile at that. “Like the CattRokk Lighthouse?”

“Like the CattRokk Lighthouse,” Marcia answered, nodding. “What about the kittens?”

“Magyk is the orange one with a heart on his back, Flyte is the beige one with green eyes, Physik is the rust colored one with the white tipped tail and feet, Queste is the blue-grey one, Syren is the black one with the three white stripes, Fyre is the one that looks like his mom, and Nugget is the small multi-colored spotted one. See? Right under her mom’s tail.”

“...how long have you had those name’s ready?” Marcia asked.

Septimus gave her a sheepish smile. “Since last night? I was gonna name one Darke but decided it might be bad luck.”

Marcia shook her head fondly. “You’d better let Marwick know then. I’m sure he’ll want to see them.”

“I—thank you, I’ll do that. Can you make sure Flyte doesn’t crawl away? She has a bad habit of doing that, even if her eyes aren’t open yet.”

“Yes, I will. Go have some fun now.”

Marcia smiled as she watched Septimus dash off. She’d probably regret it later, but if Septimus was happy, that was good enough. And the kittens _were_ rather cute.

“Hello Catt,” she whispered, gently holding out a hand toward the mother. “Welcome to the Wizard Tower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know next to nothing about cats, so please let me know if there is anything wrong about this fic. Comments are always welcome and adored :)
> 
> Also if I may interest you in two cat posts [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/632072093797908480/badsciencejokes-cat-wins-view-on-instagram) and [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/632067721886089216/rob-walks-fated-icarus-this-is-exactly-how-big).


	2. Magyk the Wizard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magyk apparently thinks he's magykal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! This is my new favorite sep heap fic to write.

“Hi Sep!” Beetle said as Septimus stepped into the Manuscriptorium. “Need something?”

“Hi Beetle,” Septimus held out an arm covered in tiny scratches. “I need a book about taking after cats.”

“ _Cats?"_

“Long story Beet, but yeah. You got anything?”

“Definitely,” Beetle answered. “But aren’t they a Witchy thing? Marcia won’t be pleased.”

Septimus grinned. “Actually, Marcellus has a theory that. He thinks that they’re just a **magykal** thing, but because they easily absorb the **darke** they were common Witch familiars.”

“Huh. Bet Marcia wouldn’t like that either.”

“They grow on you though,” Septimus shrugged. “You wanna come see them later?”

“Sure,” Beetle answered, leading Septimus down into the vaults. “I’m pretty sure we have some guides somewhere. Let’s see… f… f… fe… feline. Here.”

“Thanks Beet,” Septimus said, taking the books. They walked in comfortable silence until they reached the door. “Maybe I’ll find Jenna and we can hang out somewhere? I don’t think you two have seen each other for a while.”

Beetle shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe, I’m kind of busy.”

“Okay. Well, see you around!”

“Bye Sep. Take care!”

* * *

The big purple door recognized Septimus and opened as he approached it. He stepped inside, setting the three heavy volumes on Marcia’s couch and making his way into the kitchen. Marcia was sitting at the kitchen table, writing a letter and stroking The Cat with one hand.

“Hi Cat,” Septimus said, reaching out a hand. She hissed and backed away. 

Marcia looked up from her letter. “Oh, hello Septimus. Did you get the books?”

He nodded, hurriedly stepping to the side as The Cat jumped off of the table and stalked out. Marcia followed her, and Septimus followed Marcia.

“Here,” Septimus handed the first book to Marcia. “There’s ‘Feline or Catt’ ‘Cats and Magyk’ and ‘The Care and Keeping of Cats’.”

“Interesting,” Marcia murmured, leafing through one of them. “I might have you do a project on this sometime. Put the kittens to use.”

“That sounds ominous,” Septimus commented.

“Well,” Marcia closed the book with a loud _snap_ , making Septimus jump. “I’ll take these to my study. Catt has been a little agitated today, so be careful around her.”

“I will. She only likes you anyway, I think.”

With a little ‘hmm’ sound Marcia swept off, leaving Septimus to go check on the seven little kittens.

As soon as he stepped in the room, Magyk and Flyte pounced on him. In the past three days, all of them had opened their eyes, and with only The Cat around, they tended to attach themselves to whatever living object was present. In this case, him.

“Ow,” Septimus grouched, gently shaking the two oldest kittens off. 

Flyte immediately sprang back up, pouncing on Physik and Queste instead. The three kittens were soon rolling around in a pile on the floor, until Fyre stalked over to sit on his siblings' tails.

Magyk, meanwhile, had clambered into Septimus’s lap immediately after he sat down. The little orange cat was inspecting the scratches on his arm, tilting his tiny head from side to side. 

“You gave me these you know,” Septimus said conversationally. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Magyk tried to turn his head all the way upside down, nearly falling over. 

“Don’t do that,” Septimus advised. “It hurts your neck.”

Magyk ignored him, continuing to stare at the scratches. Just when Septimus was about to move him off, the kitten placed a paw on his arm and started making little puffing noises.

Septimus blinked. “Uh… Magyk? Are you okay?”

The little orange cat kept puffing at his arm for a few seconds, then hopped off of Septimus’s lap with a distinct air of self-satisfaction. 

Septimus made a mental note to check the books for any odd behaviors later. He was pretty sure cats didn’t normally do that. 

* * *

“…and additionally it is a sign of disrespect to the Wizard Tower and me. If you continue to deface property like this, I will be forced to—” Marcia paused mid-rant to pick up The Cat, “—remove you from Sub-Wizard training. It was already bad enough, Catchpole, carving your initials in my door. Drawing on the spiral steps is simply unacceptable. _Are you listening to me?_ ”

“You… have…” he pointed weakly at The Cat.

“Yes, this is Catt, but that is inconsequential to your behavior.” 

Marcia continued on talking.

Septimus, from his vantage point a few feet away, debated what was the best way to sneak around. At his feet, Magyk and Nugget sniffed around, trying to figure out where the scent of **magyk** was coming from.

The rest of the kittens he’d convinced to stay behind, but the oldest and youngest would stop at nothing to get out of Marcia’s rooms. Hence the current situation, with two furry disaster machines following him.

Septimus decided he’d just have to walk past Marcia and Catchpole and hope they didn’t notice him. He nearly made it, until Magyk scrambled up onto his leg and he yelped in pain.

“Ouch—ow, Magyk— _ow._ ”

“What…” Catchpole managed.

“Sorry Marcia, carry on,” Septimus said. Magyk finished scrambling up and sat on his shoulder. He scooped up Nugget. “I’m just going to go see Jenna and Mum. I’ll be back later.”

“Don’t stay out too late,” Marcia called over her shoulder.

“I won’t!”

The kittens seemed to take a fascination with the silver staircase, staring at everything as they whirled down. Septimus attracted several odd looks for them, and he hurried rather self-consciously out of the doors into the afternoon sun.

* * *

“It’s trying to be Marcia,” Jenna said randomly, as the siblings watched the kittens prance around.

“Huh?”

“See?” Jenna pointed to where Magyk was puffing on a wilting plant. “The **revive** Marcia does, with the pink air and stuff.”

“Oh!” Septimus sat up, dusting grass off his tunic. “He tried to do that to my arm too.”

Jenna laughed. “He thinks he can do **magyk.** That’s adorable. Come here, kitty.” She scooped him up, placing him in her lap and stroking his velvety ears. 

Soon the sound of purring filled the air, as Magyk dozed off. Nugget, noticing her brother getting all the attention, jumped onto Septimus, arranging herself in a perfect coil on his head. 

Septimus smiled, watching her tail swish back and forth, back and forth. Soon, both he and Jenna were asleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please consider leaving a comment and letting me know what you thought :) If I may present another cat post [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/632080977269768193/agentumbls-justcatposts-she-knows-shes-not).


	3. Flyte the Stuntcat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flyte is pure chaos, and gives cuddles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very long. I know I said no angst but like,,, here, have a few seconds of it and a mountain of fluff.

“No! Flyte _get back down_!”

The only answer Septimus got was a smug—very smug—meow. Flyte was perched on top of the bookcase, eying the floor with a disbelieving look.

“What is this, gravity?” Septimus muttered. “Flyte! Come down now!”

By the now the other kittens had clustered around him on the table, staring at their sister. 

“Flyte, please. Come back down!”

The kitten jumped. Septimus swore his heart stopped for a second, before Flyte landed perfectly on the floor, gave him an arch look, ‘ _see, i did it_ ’ and stalked off, with a curl to her tail.

“Flyte! Oh for the love of—”

The second-oldest kitten had climbed up an even taller bookcase, and was now glaring at the first.

“That’s a _horizontal jump,_ Flyte. Get! Back! Down!”

“Meow.”

“Was that a no?” Septimus asked. He sighed. It sounded very much like Marcia when someone told her she couldn’t do something.

Flyte jumped, landed on the first bookcase, then turned and leaped to the table and then down to the ground. She then promptly left the room, presumably to look for more high-up perches.

Septimus quickly followed her. He did _not_ need a cat-shaped puddle on the floor.

* * *

“Septimus…” Marcia trailed off.

“I’ll clean up,” Septimus mumbled, from underneath a pile of kittens. “Flyte needs a leash.”

“How,” Marcia asked. “Did a single kitten knock over the entire shelf of household Charms?”

“She jumped,” Septimus answered, gently moving Fyre off his head. “She jumped up, knocked over the stuff with her tail, and jumped back down.”

“ **Restore** ,” Marcia ordered. The Charms obediently piled up in their box and flew back to their shelf. Flyte sat up fast, eyes tracking the movement.

“No—!”

Marcia grabbed the kitten just before she jumped. 

“Flyte, you absolutely _will not_ knock over anything. Am I understood?”

Septimus could have sworn Flyte stuck out her tongue. The Cat appeared by Marcia’s feet, and batted her daughter's head. Flyte made a soft noise of protest and sulked off to flop on her siblings.

“We need a room just for the kittens,” Marcia said.

“Yes,” Septimus agreed. “With as many **magykally** protected things as possible.”

Marcia glanced around. “We could use that tiny area by the corner.”

“Too small for seven of them,” Septimus shook his head, then perked up. “Oh! Marcia, the window in your study! We could block off that space there.”

“Septimus, what did I say about cats in my study?” Marcia asked sternly, then sighed. “I suppose they could stay though. I never understood why we needed that big a space anyway.”

“Really?”

“Why not,” Marcia said. “Better move them before I change my mind.”

* * *

“Boris, this is Flyte. Flyte, this is Boris. Flyte, you _will not_ eat Boris.”

Flyte glared at Septimus—or, more specifically, his hand, in which his House Mouse sat. Boris was clinging tight to Septimus’s fingers, shivering. The rest of the kittens had reluctantly agreed to not eat the mouse, but Flyte could not be persuaded to let him go.

“Flyte, no.”

Septimus tried for an hour before giving up and letting Boris scuttle back to his hidey hole.

Flyte hopped up onto Septimus’s nightstand, curling herself around the base of his lamp and refusing to budge. She bared her fangs at him when he tried to forcefully lift her up.

“Fine, fine, sheesh,” he muttered. 

Septimus let the rest of the cats choose their sleeping place, even if he had to coax Fyre out of the oven. The Cat, predictably, chose Marcia’s room, curling up on her pillow.

It wasn’t long until all nine residents of the ExtraOrdinary Wizard’s rooms—minus his House Mouse, who had taken to sleeping outside—were asleep.

* * *

Septimus sat up fast, breathing hard. The room was suffocatingly quiet, and dark as the river the night—

Nope. He was not thinking about that.

“Mrow?” 

Setimus blinked and looked down. Flyte had uncurled from her spot by his nightstand, and was staring at him with wide bright eyes.

“Nothing Flyte. Go back to sleep.” 

Flyte seemed to have an extremely severe case of selective hearing, because she hopped onto his bed and arranged herself on his lap. Septimus gave up. He knew by now that you Did Not argue with Flyte.

A small creak at his door made him flinch, but he relaxed when he saw Marcia, holding The Cat in her arms. A trail of kittens trailed after her, like a line of ducklings following their mother.

“Septimus?” she asked gently. “Why are you awake?”

Septimus shifted uncomfortably, stroking Flyte gently. “Nightmares.”

“Ah.” Marcia sat down on the edge of his bed, setting The Cat down on her lap. The other kittens leaped up, with some difficulty, and settled around them, like a little **SafeShield** of their own.

Septimus smiled weakly.

“What happened?” Marcia asked. 

He frowned, focusing on the white heart on Magyk’s back. 

“It was the night Wolf Boy… well, the night he almost drowned. Then the water started rising, and it kept going higher and higher until I looked back and saw Jen and Nik. Then they disappeared and I saw DomDaniel, and he looked right at me,” Septimus shivered, holding Flyte close. “Then I woke up.”

Flyte wriggled out of Septimus’s hold, bounding over to Magyk and dragging him back by the tail. She poked him, and when nothing happened she bopped him on the head. 

Magyk gave his sister an irritated look, flicking his tail at her before puffing on Septimus’s arm. 

Septimus started laughing softly.

Marcia blinked at Magyk, then picked him up and looked him straight in the eyes, dead serious. “Magyk, when you do the **Revive** , you blow a steady stream of air. No puffing or it won’t work.”

Magyk meowed at her.

Marcia set him down. 

“That’s better,” she said briskly. “Now then, Septimus, try and go back to sleep. It won’t do you any good to be worrying about nightmares. DomDaniel is gone forever, and he’s not coming back. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep.”

“I know, Septimus mumbled, shifting Flyte to his pillow and moving the other kittens out of the way. He lay down and gently stroked Nugget’s ears. “Thank you.”

Marcia waited until the sound of his slow, steady breathing filled the room, before picking up The Cat and standing up. She gently smoothed his hair down, and gave each of the kittens a little pat before leaving the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

Back in her room, The Cat curled up by her head, tail flopped across Marcia’s face. She couldn’t bring herself to mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it :))) Pls go and thank @septimus-heap on tumblr for the last scene idea.


	4. Physic the MedCat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Physik hangs out in the Sick Bay, and Septimus visits Marcellus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the terribly uncreative title >.< Anyway, enjoy~!

“Um…” Rose held out a basket. “I think this is Septimus’s cat? She was in the Sick Bay.”

Marcia took the basket, opening in to look inside. Physik blinked innocently up at her, chewing on a strip of clean linen bandage. 

“Goodness! Thank you Rose. I’ll make sure the cats stay out of the Sick Bay.”

“Oh,” Rose said. “Actually, I was sent to ask you if we can keep her there. The Wizards like her, I think.”

Marcia frowned down at the kitten, who was now examining the thoroughly-chewed bandage with extreme fascination. 

“I suppose you could,” Marcia said, “Although I can’t imagine how you plan to keep her out of trouble.”

“She moves out of the way when she needs to,” Rose explained. “What was her name again?”

“Physik,” Marcia answered. “And be careful with any brightly colored things. She tends to like gold.”

“Oh, of course. Thank you!” 

Marcia handed the basket back to Rose, and the Sick Bay Apprentice hurried off back downstairs. Marcia shook her head in bemusement. A month ago, she’d never have thought there would be a cat in the Sick Bay.

“Septimus!” she called. “I’m going out. Make sure to watch Syren.”

“Okay!” he called back. She heard a crash and sighed. It was a good thing most of the things in there could be **Repaired.**

* * *

“Ow,” Septimus winced. “Thanks Rose.”

“No problem,” she grinned. “Who gave those to you? Which cat, I mean.”

“Syren,” he answered. “I thought she was sleeping, but when I tried to get up she scratched me.”

Rose made a face. “Ouch.”

Septimus looked down when he felt something brush against his leg, and saw Physik staring up at him.

“Hi,” he said, picking her up. “You’re not getting in trouble, are you?”

“Meow.”

“Of course. You’re helping with emotional support. And you’re not eating the herbs?”

“Meow.”

“Good. You know that most of them are poisonous to cats, right?”

Physik gave him a very pointed look that made Rose start giggling.

“Okay. And come back upstairs sometimes. We need you to stop Flyte from leaping off the bookcases. Marcia misses having you be the mature kitten.”

“ _Meow."_

“Of course, you need to get back to work.”

Septimus set Physik back down, and she scurried over to one of the beds, jumping up to check on the Wizard there before jumping back off and continuing to the next one.

“How do you say that with a straight face?” Rose asked. 

“Huh?”

“Talking to the cats, I mean.”

Septimus frowned. “I don’t know. It’s a **Magykal** thing I think. Marcia was researching it.”

“Oh wow,” Rose watched Physik as she scrambled around the room. “I wish I could do that.”

“It’s not just **Magyk** though,” Septimus said. “It’s just like with people. You read their emotions.”

“Wow,” Rose said again. 

Physik had finished her rounds by then, and jumped up onto the desk to nuzzle Septimus’s hand. He gently stroked her fur as he continued talking.

“It’s instinct, I think,” he said. “You just learn to recognize what behavior and things they do for certain things. And Marcia suspects The Cat was exposed to a lot of **Magyk** before, so the kittens have some **Magykal** connection.”

“Cool,” Rose breathed, crouching down to peer at Physik.

Septimus shrugged. “It kind of is. Oh—I promised to meet Marcellus soon. Catch you later Rose!”

Physik scrambled up his arm as he started to go, perching on his shoulder like a small fuzzy scarf. Septimus gave her a confused look as he waved to Rose, but didn’t move her off.

The two made their way down the stairs, earning some amused looks from various Ordinary Wizards. Several visitors paused to gape at Physik, who hissed at them and snuggled closer to Septimus’s neck.

Septimus smiled as he stepped through the doors into the sunny air.

* * *

“Apprentice! It’s good to see you again,” Marcellus ushered him into the room. “And I see you brought one of the cats. Which one is that?”

“This is Physik,” Septimus said. “She’s been hanging out in the sick bay recently, but she wanted to come when I left earlier.”

Marcellus made a thoughtful noise as he busied himself with making tea. He found a box of blueberries and set a few out for Physik, who immediately seized one and started chewing on it.

“Well Apprentice, how have you been? Your sister is doing well, I assume?”

“Pretty good,” Septimus answered. “Jen likes playing with the cats, so they’ve recently started to wander out by themselves to see her.”

“Hmm,” Marcellus said. “Well, just be careful they don’t run into any bits of **Darke.** ”

“I try,” Septimus sighed. “But Queste is awful at staying put. He’ll run off all the time and come back with some new trinket from who-knows-where.”

Physik had perked up at the mention of her brother, but was soon distracted by the gold glinting on Marcellus’s tunic. A moment later, when Marcellus started to stand up, she pounced on his sleeve, pinning the gold embroidered edge to the table.

“Physik no!”

She turned an innocent expression to Septimus. He was willing to bet she’d learned it from Syren. 

Marcellus gently pushed Physik off. 

“It looks like someone has a taste for gold.”

Septimus frowned. “She tried to get the Akhu Amulet once.”

“Really?” Marcellus sounded amused. “I assume Marcia wasn’t pleased.”

Septimus grinned. “She wasn’t.”

Marcellus turned to look at Physik. “Maybe we should get her a little gold collar.”

Septimus scrutinized the little cat. “Maybe,” he said doubtfully. “But who knows what she’d do with it. Last time I gave her something she tried to see if it would float or not.”

“You named her appropriately, then.”

Septimus shrugged and smiled. “I guess I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm shocked at myself for updating this so consistently. It's a miracle everyone, thank the Sep Heap discord server for all the ideas :))
> 
> Another cat post [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/632697269231190016).


	5. Queste The Adventurer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Cat goes missing and Septimus tries to find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm not really happy with this one? But I owe you guys an update and I don't know what I can do to fix it so,, yeah.

“Septimus!” Marcia said. “Have you seen Catt recently?”

“Huh?” he looked up from his notes. “No, not since yesterday.”

Marcia frowned. “That’s odd. I’m sure she’s alright though, she can take care of herself.”

“I’ll go out and look for her if she’s not back tomorrow,” Septimus offered. “The kittens need exercise anyway, and they should get to know the Castle better.”

Marcia nodded distractedly. “Good idea.”

By nightfall though, The Cat still hadn’t returned. Marcia had spent an hour worrying before deciding to try and get some work done while waiting for her.

Septimus had made sure to leave the kittens with her when he left to go to bed. They were oddly comforting, even if they brought chaos wherever they went. In the morning, he found her sleeping at her desk, Flyte on top of her head and the rest of the kittens nuzzled up close. 

Carefully, he woke up Queste and Syren. He’d noticed they had the best sense of direction, so it was probably best to have them learn first. Also, although he hadn’t mentioned this part to Marcia, if The Cat was stuck somewhere they might be able to find her.

Septimus gave the cats some fish while he ate his toast, and then scooped them up to head outside. By now the Wizard Tower’s inhabitants were used to seeing the cats around, and he only got a few friendly waves as he rode the silver spiral stairs down to the Great Hall.

A few frosty snowflakes drifted into his hair as he stepped outside, although they melted away when they hit the ground. Septimus was relieved that at least the ground was still fairly warm. Hopefully The Cat would be fine.

* * *

“Hey Jojo,” Septimus said, pushing open the door to Gothyk Grotto and stepping inside. “Have you seen a cat around here recently?”

“No,” Jojo answered, giving him an odd look. “So are the rumors really true that you’re a Witch?”

Septimus laughed, letting Syren and Queste hop down from his shoulders. “No, we just have cats.”

“And why would your cats be here?”

“The Cat has been missing,” Septimus replied. “And since Syren wanted to come over here, I wondered if maybe she smelled her.”

“Can’t you just use your fancy **Magyk** to find her?” Jojo asked sceptically. 

“No,” he shook his head. “It doesn’t work on living animals, but I can't use a human **Find** either. I’ll have to have Marcia help me create a new spell for cats.”

“Huh. Well, I haven’t seen any cats, besides those two.”

“Oh,” Septimus frowned, scooping up Syren before she could knock over a bin of trinkets. “Well, thanks anyway. See you around.”

“Sure. Bye Sep.”

Next, Septimus made his way to the Rat Office at the East Gate Lookout Tower. Stanley had strongly disapproved of the cats in the Castle, but he’d reluctantly agreed to stop whining about it when Septimus had pointed out that the cats didn’t eat the Message Rats.

He knew the rat still kept tabs on them though, just in case he needed to hide. If the kittens couldn’t sniff out The Cat, at least Stanley should know where she’d been. 

“How may I help you?” the rat asked when Septimus knocked on the door.

“Have you seen The Cat?” Septimus asked.

“No,” Stanley answered. “If you ask me, the Castle is better off without the little monsters roaming around, it’s a blessing I haven’t seen one near the Rat Office in a while. They tried to eat Josephine the other day.”

“No they didn’t, Da!” a younger rat poked her head outside of the window. “We were _playing_.”

“But they could have eaten you!”

“Ahem,” Septimus cut in pointedly. “So where did you last see her?”

“Near the boatyard, goodness knows what she was up to,” Stanley said, continuing on his rant. “Probably hunting the poor little birds there…”

Septimus was already gone by then.

* * *

“Nik!”

Nicko looked up from the boat he was fixing at Septimus’s shout. 

“Hey little bro. What chaos are you up to now?”

“Ha… ha,” Septimus panted. “But Stanley saw The Cat here a while ago, and I don’t think she can swim. Have you—”

“Let’s check the boats,” Nicko—who had grown rather attached to the cats—said, cutting him off. “She might be stuck somewhere. But no, haven’t heard any suspicious splashes or anything.”

“Well that’s—good,” Septimus said, finally catching his breath. 

Nicko nodded absently as the two hurried over to the nearest upturned boat. Nothing.

“Nik, how long can cats live on their own?” Septimus asked, as they started searching the last boat. Queste and Syren were bounding around everywhere, sniffing and exploring every little crack the humans couldn’t reach.

“Depends,” he answered. “But I reckon The Cat can take care of herself. She seems like a tough one.”

“Yeah,” Septimus agreed, but it still didn’t ease the worry.

A sharp hiss snatched his attention, and he lifted his head to see Queste watching a small hole in the stone wall. He was examining it with narrowed eyes, tail twitching.

“What?” Septimus and Nicko were across the boatyard in a flash. “Queste, what is it?”

Without even a glance back, he darted through the gap and vanished into the darkness. 

“ _Queste!_ ”

Nicko and Septimus huddled by the gap in the wall, watching the darkness as intently as they could.

“Is The Cat _inside_ that thing?” Nicko asked.

“How did she get there?” Septimus wondered out loud. 

A quiet scraping noise caught his attention, and he turned back to the hole to see Queste dart outside. Following him was a scraggly, scratched figure, but unmistakably The Cat.

Septimus scooped her up, wrapping her in his cloak as he patted Queste’s head. The Cat seemed too weak to protest, curling up and closing her eyes.

“I think I lost a few years off my life,” Nicko muttered. “Hey, let me know when she gets better okay?”

“I will. Thanks.”

“No problem Sep.”

* * *

“Septimus!” Marcia burst out as soon as he came through the door. “Goodness, where were you? _Oh_ —” she cut herself off as soon as she spotted The Cat. 

“Um…” Septimus gently handed Marcia the sleeping bundle. “Yeah, we uh, went exploring?”

“ _T_ _hank you_ , Septimus,” Marcia said, hurrying off to her rooms, presumably to find the books he had collected a few weeks ago.

Septimus smiled. The Cat was home. Things were good again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh,,, yes that last line was foreshadowing to the events of Fyre. Next chapter takes place afterwards.
> 
> More cat posts, courtesy of the Septimus Heap discord server [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/632791734440624128/justcatpostsmy-wife-wanted-a-cat-i-wanted-a), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/632791691864227840/justcatpostsour-3-week-old-rescue-likes-to), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/632796167613317121), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/632797174694019072), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/633336088188076032/everythingfox-licc-licc-licc-via), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/633325410882633728/rabbivole-cowards-sorcery) and [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/633161172605075456/brawltogethernow-tikixreblogs). (Those links were so hard to type out, this is punishment for not posting in a while isn't it.) 
> 
> Anyway, see you next update! Let me know what you thought :)


	6. Syren the Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syren is adorable, but also debatably the worst of the litter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too happy about this one, but it still turned out pretty good so I'll post it. And sorry about the long wait for an update >.<

“Aha! Got you.”

Beetle frowned as his tiny red piece disappeared into a tunnel. “Come on Sep, that was my last one.”

Septimus grinned at him. 

Jenna leaned over Beetle’s shoulder, her dark hair dangling downwards as she watched the tiny red and black pieces scuttle around the board. 

“Oh Beetle, right there—”

Jenna was interrupted by a dark streak that leaped up onto the board, scattering the Counters. Syren looked around and the mess, blinked innocently up at them, and bounded away.

“Syren!” Septimus said. “Bad cat!”

Jenna swore the black and white kitten grinned at them as she whisked around the corner.

“Sep won,” Jenna decided. “Let’s clean up and then go find that cat.”

* * *

Septimus, Jenna, and Beetle were sitting in a loose circle in front of the fireplace, Jenna on Marcia’s purple sofa. Syren had plopped herself into the young Queen’s lap, and Jenna didn’t have the heart to remove her, despite the fact that she’d interrupted most of their games.

“How’s all the Queen stuff going, Jen?” Septimus asked. “Nothing too bad?”

Jenna sighed, stroking Syren’s back slowly. “It’s weird, I guess. But I think I’m doing alright.”

“You’re doing great,” Beetle assured her. “I’ve overheard a lot of people saying they like you better than your mum.”

“That doesn’t set the standards very high,” Jenna pointed out, wrinkling her nose. “And my _mother_.”

Beetle looked embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Jenna smiled at him, although a little tiredly. “It’s alright. A lot of people make that mistake.”

That didn’t make Beetle feel much better, but he refrained from saying it.

“I’ve been confused for Simon twice today,” Septimus said, changing the subject to something a bit less heavy. “Do we actually look that similar?”

Jenna tilted her head, scrutinizing him. In her lap, Syren growled softly as she shifted slightly.

“Yes,” Jenna finally decided. “You have the same expressions.”

“Huh,” was all Septimus said.

“Oh!” Jenna said suddenly, catching a glimpse of the clock on Marcia’s wall. “I forgot about the meeting today. I have to go, bye Sep. Bye Beetle!” 

She scooped up Syren to set her down on the floor, but the cat dodged her hands and started climbing her arm. By the time Jenna managed to get a hold of her, the black and white cat was snugly nestled on her shoulders, draped like a sleek black scarf. 

Jenna tugged lightly on Syren. The cat didn’t move.

“Syren…”

“Here,” Beetle said, standing up and reaching for the cat.

The cat didn’t scratch him, but she glared and hissed viciously.

“Uh,” Septimus said. “Maybe you should leave her alone, Beet.”

“Probably,” Beetle agreed, eyeing the kitten warily.

“Hey, at least she didn’t scratch you,” Septimus offered, holding up his arm. Beetle winced at the pale white marks criss-crossing his arms. 

“They’re not that bad,” Septimus said, noticing his expression and glaring at the cat in question. “They just look awful.”

“I’ll just have to go with her,” Jenna decided. “Syren, you _will not_ cause trouble. If you disrupt the meeting, I _will_ move you off.”

Syren frowned at her and curled up tighter. 

“There, that’s better,” she said. Completely missing Septimus and Beetle’s shocked expressions, she stood up and headed to the door. “Bye! I’ll catch you guys later!”

“Did Syren just _listen_ to her?” Septimus asked Beetle.

“Apparently.”

“Traitor,” Septimus grumbled, picking up Flyte to nuzzle her nose. Beetle laughed.

* * *

“Excuse me, Queen Jenna, but is that—?”

Jenna tilted her head sideways, catching a glimpse of the white-streaked black cat draped around her neck, and smiled. 

“This is Syren. She wouldn’t leave today. I hope no one here is allergic to cats?”

The various gathered people all shook their heads, and Jenna resumed speaking.

“Good. Now then, we are here to discuss the recent issue with the cockroach infestations in the Ramblings. I would like to hear your reports.”

The meeting moved on as usual, with the addition of an adorable ball of fur sleeping on the young Queen’s shoulders. Most of the Castle inhabitants had grown used to the occasional appearance of the seven kittens, and they barely batted an eye at Jenna’s decision to let the cat in.

Hours later, when the meeting had ended and Jenna was comfortably settled in her bed—Syren on her pillow—the two stared out the window at the stars. As the lighted windows in the Castle went out one by one, they slowly dropped off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More cat posts! (Hhhhh okay this is gonna be so annoying to type out.) Here goes: *deep breath*... [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/633530154628546560/septimus-heap-ladydragon76-surfcontra), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/633611297040334848/jaubaius-a-cat-and-an-owl), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/633612183287250944/curious-zelda), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/633866717726146560), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/633904176044425216/captainschmoe-thenatsdorf-cat-wall-babey), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/634042565452251136/goblinfangs-qqqqquushuwhdui-qqqq-sjwdhwjebdjew), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/634052051963363328/xonar-verse-fluffygif-just-what-i-ordered), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/634174254150221824/winterberrysys-twofingersthegiantsquid), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/634281638717734912/colt-kun-ruffboijuliaburnsides) and a raccoon [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/633528836848517120/alright-bro-im-boutta-head-out-so-what-youre).


	7. Fyre the Connoisseur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fyre doesn't like Marcia and Sep's cooking. ~~He also gets ignored by me.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Fyre ;~; he didn't get much screen time. I'll have to squish him in some other chapters.

Septimus glared at the coffee pot, which was waddling happily along the kitchen counter, ignoring every command he gave it. It usually only listened to Marcia, but today it had developed a rather severe case of selective hearing, and ignored anything remotely directed at it.

“Any luck, Septimus?” Marcia asked from the doorway.

Septimus shook his head.

“Ah well,” Marcia said. “Can’t be helped. We’ll just lock the coffeepot away and cook something ourselves.” 

Septimus gave Marcia a dubious look. “Um. Marcia?”

“Yes?”

“Do you… know how to cook?”

“Well it can’t be _that_ hard, can it?”

As it turned out, it was that hard. One hour of minor explosions later found Marcia and Septimus sitting at the table, with the sink hard at work cleaning all the pots and pans.

“You said something?” Septimus asked Marcia pointedly.

“Well it didn’t _seem_ that hard,” she defended, frowning at him. “And besides, _I_ wasn’t the one that let the soup burn.”

Septimus sighed, then whipped his head around at the blur of dark grey fur that streaked into the kitchen. Fyre leaped up onto the counter, poking his nose curiously into the pot of soup.

“Wait, Fyre—”

Fyre licked a noodle experimentally, then stuck out his tongue, pawing at his nose and making a face. Septimus snatched him off the counter, plopping him back on the floor.

“Fyre, _no_.”

The cat made one last wheezing noise and bounded off, presumably to bother his siblings. 

“That bad?” Marcia sighed. “I suppose you could just go get something from Wizard Sandwiches.”

Septimus glanced at the stove and decided that yes, the odd chance of getting something weird was worth not having to worry about cooking again. 

* * *

“Septimus, does anyone actually _like_ sauteed frogs?”

Septimus looked up from his charm homework at Marcia’s question, frowning slightly.

“Yes,” he said. “I think. Why?” 

“Your mother sent me this recipe,” Marcia answered. “To be frank, I think Fyre would appreciate this more than I would.” 

“Fyre would appreciate anything,” Septimus pointed out. 

“True,” Marcia said. “Well, I won’t be doing anything with this, but if you do, please _do not_ bring live frogs into the kitchen.” 

“But—”

“No buts, Septimus,” Marcia said firmly. “No frogs in the kitchen.” 

“ _However_ ,” Septimus continued. “Fyre would probably like them.” 

“That cat would do himself good to consider what _other_ people would like,” Marcia said briskly. “Now then, your sister wanted me to help with something at the palace. You can have some free time until I get back.”

Septimus blinked. “Really?” 

“Yes,” Marcia answered. “You should take a break. Just make sure the cats don’t get in the kitchen, alright?” 

Septimus grinned. “Of course. Thanks, Marcia.” 

* * *

“Marcia actually let you have the afternoon off?” Beetle asked. “Wow.”

Septimus shrugged. “She’s been a bit nicer about that lately. It’s kind of weird, but also nice.”

“Huh,” Beetle said. “Want a FizzFroot?”

Septimus nodded, gazing out the window as Beetle headed off to the kitchen. It was near winter again, almost an entire year since the **Darke Domaine** , and when Marcia had first found The Cat and her litter.

His thoughts were interrupted by the soft _clink_ of the mug Beetle set down in front of him. 

“What are you thinking about?”

“Oh… nothing, really,” Septimus said. “Just the cats.”

Beetle snorted. “Did you know, they’ve been spotted on the Port Barge? Foxy was telling me the other day, some of them like to follow Nicko when he goes on errands for Jannit.”

Septimus blinked. “Really? I hope they’re staying safe.”

“They nearly gave him a heart attack,” Beetle admitted. “Apparently Syren likes to sit on the railing next to Nicko.” 

“Of course she does,” Septimus sighed. “Devil cat.” 

Beetle grinned. “Cheers, Sep.”

“Cheers.” 

* * *

Marcia was in a very bad mood. The current source of said bad mood was right in front of her at the moment, standing in front of her door and looking rather sheepish.

“Silas,” Marcia sighed. “What brings you here today—with a group of _children_ , I might add?” 

“They wanted to see you, Madam Marcia,” Silas replied. To his credit, he only sounded slightly sarcastic. 

“I happen to be very busy at the moment,” Marcia snapped. “If you wouldn’t mind taking them to the Charm Wizard for now, I’ll talk to you later.” 

Silas opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by The Cat, who sauntered over to eye him suspiciously. Marcia scooped her up gently, scratching behind her ears.

“Oh is that Septimus’s cat?” Silas asked, apparently forgetting what he was about to say earlier, accompanied by the gasps of the four children clustered around him.

“She’s not _Septimus’s_ cat,” Marcia felt the need to point out. 

“Then who’s is she?” Silas asked, reaching out a hand to her. She hissed viciously, curling closer to Marcia and glowering at him.

“Her own, I suppose,” Marcia said. She bent down to allow the children to pet her. The Cat wriggled around a bit but tolerated it for a few minutes, earning a small smile from Marcia. 

“Can I have it?” one of the girls asked. “It’s so _soft_!”

“No, you can’t,” Marcia said. “She won’t get along with other people very well.” 

“Aw,” she frowned. “Then can I visit you? And the Extraordinary Apprentice too?” 

Marcia opened her mouth to say no, and abruptly remembered that she definitely wouldn’t like it if someone had told her she couldn’t do something. She sighed and turned to The Cat. 

“What do you think?” she asked. “Can she come?” 

The Cat blinked once, twice, and lazily curled her tail around Marcia’s arm, before closing her eyes. 

“I suppose that means yes,” Marcia said, and subsequently had to shush her excited yell. 

“Huh,” Silas observed, watching the kids prance around. “I would have thought you’d say no.” 

“I’m not _heartless_ ,” Marcia snapped. “Make sure they don’t get in trouble on the stairs. I’ll see you later. Come on Catt, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I have. A lot of cat posts to code. Anyway:
> 
> [Here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/637143680826916864/my-aunts-cat-hates-when-she-leaves-so-she-guards), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/634458033193467904/cat-gets-to-walk-for-the-first-time-source), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/634526545753587712/katiethelesbean-whatcha-doing-there-buddy), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/635368656291905536/you-see-what-i-have-to-deal-with-source), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/635373493050081280/justcatposts-another-successful-spacex-mission), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/635787116343934976/boop-via), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/635783934300618752/thirsty-boy-via), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/635793242825359360/taking-a-tumble-down-your-tumblr-dash-sound), [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/635820152334745602/bigpemis-nerviovago-unmute-turn-around-show), [an owl](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/636333441248526336/93217-babyanimalgifs-didnt-you-drop-it), and [here](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/636351948685262848/xonar-verse-thegirlwiththepuffhat-thats-the).
> 
> And finally: [me when someone mentions tcc](https://jadenightthewriter.tumblr.com/post/636585909049065472/hellenhighwater-fresno-nightcrawler-love-the).


End file.
